Letters Between Sundays

Lazy people are soon poor; hard workers get rich. – Proverbs 10:4

Since I was a little kid, I knew what hard work was and why we do it. I saw my mother and nana work hard their whole lives. My mom was a single mom raising two kids on her own, working and taking care of a home. Nana lived next door, and she was the most independent woman I’ve ever known. I would come over, and at the age of 68 she was cutting her own grass, pulling weeds, and putting down mulch in her backyard. Nana was a worker—she had to be. She grew up in Detroit as a foster kid, worked hard all her life, and raised her daughter to be the same way. My mom then raised me that way too. Do you see the pattern? It’s all women who do all the work.

Growing up, my brother and I had very different childhoods. He was the baby of the family and didn’t have to do much. He was defiant, talked back, and usually got what he wanted. We both had chores, but he didn’t really have to do his. I, on the other hand, was taught that the women did everything while the man sat around and did nothing. It was normal in our family. I did the dishes, helped Mom with dinner, cleaned up after, took the trash out, and did both inside and outside work. On top of helping my mom, I also had to help Nana next door. When I was little, I didn’t have a choice. As I got older, I had a little more say, but the work never really went away.

My first job was when I was twelve. I worked a newspaper route for the Daily Telegram. My brother Payton also got a route, but after a month of me doing his work, he quit—and my mom made me keep doing his route anyway. I hated it. I didn’t even want to do my own route, but as the girl, I had to take it on.

My second job was landscaping around our neighborhood. That job was better since I got paid in cash and only worked a few hours a week during the summers.

At that point in my life, I was already juggling sports, clubs, social events, and helping my mom and Nana. I became stressed and a nervous wreck if I ever had a moment where I wasn’t doing something. I thrived on being busy, stressed, and working.

“Be still, and know that I am God.” – Psalm 46:10

I’ve been working nonstop for the past nine years. I haven’t gone a single year without having a job or a side hustle. I’ve never truly been at rest.

When I first came into the church, this weighed heavy on me. Everyone had jobs and seemed to love working and making money. But then we started a book club, and the book we read was called The Ruthless Elimination of Hurry. It talked about how sometimes we need to slow down, be still, and find rest in God. I’ll be honest—I didn’t even read the first chapter. But now, I think I need to, because I’m struggling with whether I should be working right now or not.

My whole life, I’ve thought about my future: how to get there, how much money I’ll need. I’ve always dreamed of a big house in the country with a little farm and a lot of kids. And I know you need money for that. But what I never factored in is that my husband would also have a job and provide for me. That thought used to make my skin crawl, because my mom taught me never to rely on a man. But now? I’ve given my life to One. Jesus. I rely on Him for everything. When I think about my money situation, I realize He’s never failed to provide.

So, would I be okay if I didn’t work? Would God provide? I think He would. I think with the jobs I have now, I’m doing good things, but I still wonder if this is truly the work He wants me to be doing.

“Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and He will give you everything you need.” – Matthew 6:33

As an independent woman, reading the Bible and learning that men are meant to provide, protect, and love me like how christ loves the church, I was shocked. I didn’t know how to act knowing I don’t have to carry it all. It both frightens and reassures me.

I’ll admit—I’m tired of working. That doesn’t mean I’m lazy. I have my online bakery, and I’m writing a book, which will both, in time, become ways to provide income. But right now, I’m realizing that maybe God is calling me to rest, to slow down, and to trust Him more.

There are a lot of questions I still need to ask myself. But if God is putting this on my heart, then maybe the real question isn’t should I work or not? Maybe the real question is: will I trust Him enough to listen?