Letters Between Sundays

Do You Have the Answers to My Questions?

Recently, I have been thinking about a lot of questions—some good, some bad, and some just plain stupid. I know I’m a girl, but I’m also a disciple of God, and when trying to form answers for these questions, these two sides of me bump heads. As a Christian, I feel like we are always being pulled in two different directions—not in everything, but in certain parts of our lives. For me, it’s boys.

A lot of these questions aren’t about the boy I like. They’re more about the brothers in the church—how I treat them, view them, talk to them, and so on.

I wouldn’t say I’m “one of the boys,” because I’m not. I LOVE being a girl. We get to wear cute outfits, cute shoes, paint our fingernails, do our makeup, and just be girls!! I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Even though we go through a week of torment every month, we still get some great moments in that week. For example, calories don’t count when you’re on your period. Also, you can lounge and be comfy, and we can be as emotional as we want to be. It’s great!

Being a girl has its ups and downs, but I think God knew what He was doing. He’s definitely a girl dad.

The one thing I do struggle with is opening up to the girls in the church. It’s something I’m working on, and that’s okay. But I was having a conversation with a particular brother tonight, and we were talking about how it’s easier for us to open up to the opposite gender. We even considered ourselves best friends at one point because of how close we got—sharing personal details about what we were going through and how we felt.

Not to mention, with the other brothers, we banter back and forth, talk in person, play fight, and I feel like I can be myself around them. Last weekend I literally did a push-up contest with one of them… I failed. But I’ve had people talk to me about this—how I need to set boundaries with the brothers and be more like this with the sisters.

My past self would have been stubborn and prideful, thinking, “This is stupid,” or “I don’t see anything wrong here.” But now I can see why this can be concerning.

So here are the questions I wrestle with:

• Am I leading some of the brothers on?
• Am I protecting their hearts?
• What does this say about me as a person of Christ?

This past week, I’ve been doing a lot of growing in my relationship with the sisters—working on not being reactive and trying to get in touch with my emotions. Those are good things. But what I’m not adding to the equation is stopping everything with the brothers.

I think to myself, “The sisters wouldn’t get it,” or “Every time I want to open up with them it’s awkward. The guys are just different.”

But if the sisters are good listeners, if they talk to me, answer my questions, and are there for me, then why do I still go to the brothers?

Is it for attention or validation? Is it because they just listen and let me hear what I want to hear?

I’ve really been thinking about these questions. I thought about the whole attention thing because of my past, but I feel secure in God now. I don’t feel like I’m seeking validation from men—I feel like I’ve learned to get that from Him. I think with the brothers, I simply look at them as brothers, so I treat them like family.

There’s one brother I’ve recently gotten closer with. I realized we had a lot in common growing up—stress, school, parents, and trying to be #1. It’s nice to know that someone understands and has gone through the same things. I’m also close with his mom; I see her as a mother figure. She gives really good advice and support.

Last week, I made plans to hangout with one of the brothers and some other people, I wasn’t thinking anything of it. Today, he told me it’s just going to be the two of us.

Now, if you’re reading this and you’re from the world, you’d think this is fine. But as a disciple, there are a lot of questions you need to consider:

• Is it wise to be alone with a brother?
• If the brother likes me, am I protecting his heart?
• How do I act around him when we’re alone versus in a group setting?
• How should I think about this situation?
• Should I get advice?
• Should I cancel?
• Should I talk to him about boundaries?

There’s a lot to ask yourself in this type of situation. And honestly, I know the answers to a lot of these. I just don’t want to listen to myself, because I want to do what my flesh wants and not what’s godly.

By writing this blog, I’ve already started to come up with the conclusion to this problem—so thank you.

At the end of the day, there are always going to be questions. For me, this area is with guys. For you, it might be something completely different. But being wise, looking ahead, and getting advice is worth it in the end. Because if you’re like me, you’ll do something stupid and either ruin something or make things complicated. I’ve done this a lot.

But here’s what I’m learning: it’s not wrong to have questions. It’s about where you go for the answers. I don’t want to just trust my feelings or my flesh. I want to trust God, protect hearts—including my own—and grow into the woman He’s calling me to be.